dpAbout three weeks after the son of former BYU running back Curtis Brown drowned in the family’s swimming pool on July 26, Brown’s wife has commented publicly on 2-year-old Haze’s accidental death and the emotional toll it has taken on the entire family.
In a heartbreaking post on Instagram, Kim Brown said she misses her baby so much that it “physically hurts” every time she thinks of the couple’s fifth child. Curtis and Kim Brown are also parents to triplets — Cruze, Kash and Julie — and a 12-year-old son, Trey.
The family lives in Clovis, California, a suburb of Fresno, where Kim works as a nurse and Curtis works in pharmaceutical sales. A GoFundMe account set up by the cousin of Kim Brown, Chandler Pearson, has raised more than $100,000 to cover funeral expenses and other funds needed to help the family recover.
“Our bright light and source of pure joy is gone,” Kim Brown wrote on Instagram accompanying a photo of Haze at the beach. “I am writing this from the floor of his room, surrounded by his things. Looking at all the little pieces of him that are still everywhere. His clothes. His basketball hoop. His blanket. All the things that were just part of everyday life.
“I keep expecting to hear him. To see those soft curls bouncing as he runs,” Kim Brown continued. “To hear his little laugh. To squeeze him tight. To kiss his cheeks. To tell him I love him. And then I remember.”
Little Haze was the couple’s “miracle baby,” Pearson told the Deseret News a few days after the tragedy, because he came after “much prayer and fasting” and through some medical intervention after the couple experienced fertility issues.
“I don’t know how you survive this. I don’t know how I am supposed to wake up every morning and live my worst nightmare,” Kim Brown wrote. “I don’t know how a heart is supposed to hold this much pain.”
After four seasons at BYU, from 2002-06, Curtis Brown was the leading rusher in school history with 3,193 yards. The native of Palmdale, California, and the family were recently in Provo as guests of the BYU football team during an Aug. 7 practice.
“There is no place like this in the country,” Curtis Brown told the players. “This is a special place. The relationships and the bonds and the family you create here is like nothing else. … Family is all you got, and this includes (your teammates and coaches). I can’t tell you how many guys that I haven’t talked to since I graduated who have reached out since my son passed.
“And to me, it was just like yesterday when we were in the locker room together,” he continued. “And I know Haze is smiling down on us right now. I will tell you, the love you guys have and have built for each other, it will never go away.”
Kim Brown wrote that at this time of year, Haze was supposed to be hugging his brothers and sister when they came home from school, cheering them on the sidelines during their many athletic events, and “stealing sips of my Diet Coke, shooting baskets, and making our life better and brighter simply by being him.”
“People say they wish they could have one more day with the person they lost. But I don’t want one more day,” Kim Brown wrote. “I want forever. … I want all the days back. I want my baby back. I would give anything in this world for the life we were supposed to have.”
As of Monday evening, the post had received more than 11,000 likes and more than 1,100 comments since it was posted last Friday. Several national news and lifestyle outlets, such as People Magazine and Us Magazine, have picked up on the post.
